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Will you be my bridesmaid?

“I am so happy for you! I promise, I really am. But I do not want to be in your wedding. You understand, right? Are we still on for cupcakes in three months?”

Yeah, that does not sound right.

For someone who feels she is disliked by most, I sure do get invited to be a part of someone’s big day quite a lot. I say a lot, it has only happened three times and I have a fourth next March. I am both appreciative and suspicious of the fact that my friends and family want me to share in their moment, but I would much rather be a guest or not go at all. I am pretty insignificant in the grand scheme things. So my presence wont be missed, or so I wish they thought.

awkward cardi b GIF by Saturday Night Live

I can’t say no. As much as I hate being around people, I also hate disappointing them or making them feel bad. They look so happy when they ask and I am trying to smile through my cringe, which ends up distorting my face.

In the end I…

wear my dress (jumpsuit)

hold my bouquet tightly (flowery handcuffs)

and I smile for the camera (well captured mugshots).

It’s not about me, hence why I keep my mouth shut. It is not their fault I am kind of mess; they just want to have a good time with their best gals (So. Much. Fun.). I am sure the bride has enough on her plate and I guess I could swallow my discomfort and anxiety in the name of friendship.

Trust me, I am not hurt if I am not asked. I am perfectly content with grabbing a plate and sitting in a corner. Unfortunately, once I am asked, the pressure is on and I feel like I have just been given a death sentence (Okay, 12 months hard labor).

[Record Scratch!]

At this moment, you might be thinking hold the phone, didn’t you say you were planning a wedding? You would be correct, I said that {here}.  Believe you me, for years I said we were eloping. Court house, dust off hands, we’re done. Then I remembered we are each of our parents’ best child, so I could plan a little shindig. Our family is starting to talk about it more and I am starting to reconsider. If I think being a bridesmaid is terrible, imagine how I feel about being a potential bride. The excitement, the attention, the questions- I cannot deal!

stressed the big bang theory GIF

I will be honest, my fingers are crossed that no one will be able to attend. Sadly, everyone else loves that we are a part of their lives and are overjoyed for us to stand my their side.

For now, I will keep my head down and serve my time until I get out.

Image result for tally marksImage result for tally marksTally_marks.svg

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Written by MutedMouthful

Native New Yorker, amateur artist, sarcastic social worker, professional people watcher, and alliteration addict.

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