For someone who feels she is disliked by most, I sure do get invited to be a part of someone’s big day quite a lot. I say a lot, it has only happened three times and I have a fourth next March. I am both appreciative and suspicious of the fact that my friends and family want me to share in their moment, but I would much rather be a guest or not go at all. I am pretty insignificant in the grand scheme things. So my presence wont be missed, or so I wish they thought.
I can’t say no. As much as I hate being around people, I also hate disappointing them or making them feel bad. They look so happy when they ask and I am trying to smile through my cringe, which ends up distorting my face.
In the end I…
wear my dress (jumpsuit)
hold my bouquet tightly (flowery handcuffs)
and I smile for the camera (well captured mugshots).
It’s not about me, hence why I keep my mouth shut. It is not their fault I am kind of mess; they just want to have a good time with their best gals (So. Much. Fun.). I am sure the bride has enough on her plate and I guess I could swallow my discomfort and anxiety in the name of friendship.
Trust me, I am not hurt if I am not asked. I am perfectly content with grabbing a plate and sitting in a corner. Unfortunately, once I am asked, the pressure is on and I feel like I have just been given a death sentence (Okay, 12 months hard labor).
[Record Scratch!]
At this moment, you might be thinking hold the phone, didn’t you say you were planning a wedding? You would be correct, I said that {here}. Believe you me, for years I said we were eloping. Court house, dust off hands, we’re done. Then I remembered we are each of our parents’ best child, so I could plan a little shindig. Our family is starting to talk about it more and I am starting to reconsider. If I think being a bridesmaid is terrible, imagine how I feel about being a potential bride. The excitement, the attention, the questions- I cannot deal!
I will be honest, my fingers are crossed that no one will be able to attend. Sadly, everyone else loves that we are a part of their lives and are overjoyed for us to stand my their side.
For now, I will keep my head down and serve my time until I get out.
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Categories: Introvert Life
Muted Mouthful 
I don’t know you personally, but from reading your posts I even know you being a bridesmaid would sound like torture lol. And you CAN say no. It’s just figure out a way to say it that doesn’t make them feel rejected so…easier said than done. Ugh, having to be THIS involved in a day that isn’t even yours (cause you’re not the bride) already sounds tiring…
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Your blog normalizes my entire existence! You’re brave to endure such discomfort but maybe there’s another way to support your friends (helping behind the scenes, being straight with them about social anxiety, etc.) Real friends wont disown you for being honest. As for your wedding day, I’m gonna offer a few suggestions. Rachel’s family and her wanted a huge wedding (they know too many people). At first I was gonna be a people pleaser and then I was like “hell naw, this is my wedding too.” Screw what they say about it being “all about the bride”… Anyway, we settled on a happy medium. An express 2hr wedding called “the elegant elopement”. We literally went to one meeting at the venue to select everything (photographer, music, cake, etc.) then we just had to show up. The package was limited to 50 people (which made it less crowded). My suggestion of just having 3 guests was declined. Come wedding day, I still hated being the center of attention and the fact that these guests felt comfortable approaching me and talking to me. Thankfully, my wife sent a flask of Long Island iced tea to my dressing room 😊 I did have fun and since it was time limited, it was over before my face started to cringe in the pictures. I was proud of myself that I didn’t hiss at anyone. 🐈Maybe you can find a similar wedding package. Just a thought. You’re one of my favorite bloggers and you’re a fantastic human being. When I become a parent one day, you can be a godparent and I’ll video conference you in on the ceremony 😉
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Why are we basically the same person 😅?! My actual compromise I make with myself is that I don’t show up to all the pre-wedding events, of course I let them know. Also this weekend I was going to be honest with the bride-to-be but she broke down while expressing how everyone else in her bridal party was causing drama or not being supportive. So I was like 🤐. It’s okay, I think this is my last wedding party venture. My friends are either married or may be single forever 🤷🏾♀️.
Second, your suggestions I looked into! I’m actually working on a blog post now about the things I’m not doing. Austin and I both have large families, it can easily be 100+ people if I let everyone get their way. Originally I was limiting my guest list to 25 people,I then let my parents convince me to do 50. I told them they better make their choices good because I’m not going beyond that. However, I will definitely need a flask! I have to write that down.
Thank you, I definitely enjoy reading your blog as well. I also get a kick out of knowing someone else that likes/dislikes the same things I do and doesn’t give me virtual side eye. I will bless your child with books and how to deliver professional shady remarks 🧚🏾♀️.
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50 is a good number. I was thrilled when people got lost on the way or had something come up last minute. And my child (only having one, haha!) will be well versed in all things sarcastic. I should have my doctorate in shade by then. 🎓
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