I have an alter ego, they are similar to me, but with some major tweaks. They are confident, they are hilarious, they speak their mind, and they do not give any effs!

My interactions in real life are unassuming and plain. I do not necessarily like it, but it is hard for me to break out. Right now, I can only be sassy with fake conflict or surrounded by group of people I feel comfortable with. I only stand up for myself in my head and I lose my voice when I try to birth the words.

For example, someone bumping into me:

Inner dialogue: Oh, I am sorry. Could you not say excuse me? I am a person and I am standing right here. The least you can do is acknowledge my existence and apologize.

Me, actually: Oh, I’m sorry! My existence was in the way. Sorry!

Or

After Someone interrupts me:

Inner dialogue: Pardon me, I was not finished. If I may continue, I was saying….

Me, now: [Silence] …. (mumbles) No, I wasn’t really saying anything. It’s not worth it.

I am trying to channel bits and pieces and #behernow, but it is a real struggle. I am not losing hope though, one day I will be a confident, bad mamajamma!

Watch out world, you will not be taking advantage of me much longer!

Featured Photo by hannah grace on Unsplash

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Written by MutedMouthful

Native New Yorker, amateur artist, sarcastic social worker, professional people watcher, and alliteration addict.

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