Awkward, Anxious, and Average

AwkAnxAvg: Revelations

If you are not ruining things, you are completely halting their potential. You could have a good thing here. Hi positive thoughts, thank you for joining us. You make a valid point, now hear me out, she could realize she is wasting her time and quickly come to the conclusion that I am boring and average. I could possibly be distracting her from meeting a rising rock star with tattoos.

“Are you ready to come back down to earth?”

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry about everything. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to keep saying sorry.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Please get a hold of yourself. I do not know what to say and I do not know what to do with my hands; adjust my glasses, touch my hair, touch my face, place hands in pockets. These pockets are not functional. This is not how it is supposed to go. She is sticking around, but I do not understand why.

“I think we have a lot in common, but you’re always up there.” She lightly taps my forehead with her index finger and smiles. Did I say that out loud? Did she just read my mind? “This is not a high-pressure situation, I think you’re cool and I want to get to know you.” Me, cool? She’s confused. Perhaps she is coming down with a fever.

I can only muster up a small chuckle in response. I’m seriously concerned about her well-being.

I had not noticed that we were walking towards a park. The sky was beautiful, as the sun is preparing to set, the clouds revel in their orange, pink, and purple majesty. I look down and notice something sticking out under Reign’s arm, she was carrying a blanket. How many other things had I not noticed while on this date? I did not give her my full attention, how inconsiderate! I was too preoccupied with forming conclusions on her thoughts of me, that I failed to be present.

My heart began to pound in my chest as I grappled with feelings of fear and guilt. A lump formed in my throat as I could feel words pushing their way out. My brain and body were not on the same side as my mouth opened, freeing the words without my consent.

“I’M SORRY IF I RUINED OUR DATE AND I AM SORRY FOR ACTING SO WEIRD I LIKE YOU BUT I AM REALLY AFRAID THAT YOU WON’T LIKE ME AND WILL FIND ME AS A WASTE OF TIME I DO A LOT OF THINKING AND NOT A LOT OF COMMUNICATING AND THAT’S NOT FAIR!” Who was that? What is this? Breathe.

“Hey, chill. You’re yelling.”

Why is this my life? I think it’s better if I take off while I have the chance. I cannot look over at her. My cheeks burn from embarrassment. My hands are trying to develop a Polaroid picture. What is this? I feel pressure around my palm and an interlocking of my fingers. She’s holding my hand. She’s still here.

“Do I have your attention?” Her tone, firm and assertive.

“Yes,” I mutter meekly.

“I think you’re funny, weird, and smart. And I mean weird in a good way. I don’t know why you can’t see it, but you’re pretty dope. Trust me, I don’t just entertain anyone.” We stop walking. She places her free hand under my chin and gently lifts my head. Her eyes, not quite dark brown and not quite hazel, look back at me. Our eyes meeting made me aware that I was holding my breath.

“I’m the type to say what I’m thinking and I won’t keep you guessing. I am drawn to your vibes. Like I said, this isn’t a high-pressure situation. If nothing more, maybe I am meant to bring you out of your shell.” With a wink and a kiss on the cheek, she let’s go of my hand and spreads the blanket on the ground. I can feel the heat travel from my cheeks to my chest. I am so used to feeling guarded and judged, I have ignored the fact that genuine people exist?

As I am glancing off, I hear three quick pats on the ground. Reign motions for me to sit. I plop down next to her and she puts her hand on mine.

“Before I forget, please don’t raise your voice at me.

“You got it, I’m so-”

“It’s okay!”

It’s okay.


Do you like Awkward, Anxious, and Average? Start from the beginning!

  1. The Beginning? It’s Probably Nothing.
  2. Mindful-what?
  3. Chicken Fingers
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