Planning a wedding can be excruciating, especially when your plans become flooded by a sea of opinions and questions. Friends, family, and strangers think they know best; there are hundreds of books and forums that retell proper wedding etiquette and how to be a well-behaved bride and/or groom. I am starting to think the most stressful part of wedding planning is trying to please everyone, from grandma Hortencia to your estranged Instagram followers. People are hesitant to tell you that you do not need to follow those rules.
Refusing to play by the rules is seen as a millennial trait instead of our parents or grandparents acknowledging the times are shifting. I am in the process of planning my own wedding; our motto is, “think of everything you know about weddings and throw it out the window! We ain’t doing it.” (Or as Austin says “F$%k ’em, who needs them!) I feel people say “it’s your wedding, you can do what you want.” Then in the next breath go, ” but, you HAVE TO do these things.” I am taking the former to heart, at the cost of being labeled as the worst.
One reason for selecting a weekend date is to guarantee your guests will be available, as people do not typically work on Saturdays or Sundays. I know plenty of people who work on the weekends, my parents included, that need to rearrange their schedules. In lieu of the typical Saturday or Sunday wedding day, we will be happily tying the knot next year on a lovely Thursday afternoon. For a variety of reasons, financial or personal preference, weekday weddings are becoming more common. I will tell you that people will still question it or raise an eyebrow.
Do you see yourself walking down the aisle towards your best friends? Some of them smiling, some of them looking uncomfortable, or some of them who decided to ignore the hairstyle you selected. That’s wonderful if you do! I am nixing the idea of a wedding party. It is not that I do not have enough friends or I am embarrassed to have a two-person bridal party. I do not think them or I need any extra stress. I have never enjoyed being a bridesmaid, I do not want to extend that unpleasantness to someone else. We all talked about it, they’re fine with that decision.
As a couple, we were selected to stand by the side of an upcoming groom and bride-to-be; we will not be extending an invitation to that couple. Our guest list is very small and we are planning to have a very intimate day. I did not leave room for social courtesy and to be honest, I do not think I have to. In regards to the guest list, I ask myself, “who do I need to have there?” Or, “whose absence will I miss?” It truly is a short list.
Dates and plus-ones, the bane of a wedding guest list. I am prepared to have a slew of declined RSVP’s as I may or may not be inviting their significant other. Etiquette dictates that couples who are married, engaged, or cohabitating need to be invited together. That rule works well in theory, but it is not going to work for me. I have too many relatives with other halves that I cannot tolerate or have disrespected my family. I also do not like people, so I do not need the person you met on Tinder yesterday coming to my wedding (no offense to Tinder dates).
I have seen a few people ditch to white garb but it is still a widely traditional and popular route. Historically, in western culture, wearing white symbolizes several things: purity, virginity, wealth, and social status. Culturally, it is not significant enough to compel me to uphold this tradition. I have not picked a dress, but I am thinking of wearing red or orange, I love vibrant colors. If my guests feel they look great in white, they can feel free to strut their stuff, faux-pas free.
These may be unpopular opinions and I figure they will make people want to ditch my big day. I am okay with that. I am focusing more on simplicity, peace, and fun. I want everyone to have a good time and I do not think it needs to be at the expense of pushing our interests and sanity aside. If you are in the process of planning a wedding and are considering ditching etiquette or social norms, you are in good company. I stand by you!