Planning a wedding can be excruciating, especially when your plans become flooded by a sea of opinions and questions. Friends, family, and strangers think they know best; there are hundreds of books and forums that retell proper wedding etiquette and how to be a well-behaved bride and/or groom. I am starting to think the most stressful part of wedding planning is trying to please everyone, from grandma Hortencia to your estranged Instagram followers. People are hesitant to tell you that you do not need to follow those rules.
Refusing to play by the rules is seen as a millennial trait instead of our parents or grandparents acknowledging the times are shifting. I am in the process of planning my own wedding; our motto is, “think of everything you know about weddings and throw it out the window! We ain’t doing it.” (Or as Austin says “F$%k ’em, who needs them!) I feel people say “it’s your wedding, you can do what you want.” Then in the next breath go, ” but, you HAVE TO do these things.” I am taking the former to heart, at the cost of being labeled as the worst.
One reason for selecting a weekend date is to guarantee your guests will be available, as people do not typically work on Saturdays or Sundays. I know plenty of people who work on the weekends, my parents included, that need to rearrange their schedules. In lieu of the typical Saturday or Sunday wedding day, we will be happily tying the knot next year on a lovely Thursday afternoon. For a variety of reasons, financial or personal preference, weekday weddings are becoming more common. I will tell you that people will still question it or raise an eyebrow.
Do you see yourself walking down the aisle towards your best friends? Some of them smiling, some of them looking uncomfortable, or some of them who decided to ignore the hairstyle you selected. That’s wonderful if you do! I am nixing the idea of a wedding party. It is not that I do not have enough friends or I am embarrassed to have a two-person bridal party. I do not think them or I need any extra stress. I have never enjoyed being a bridesmaid, I do not want to extend that unpleasantness to someone else. We all talked about it, they’re fine with that decision.
As a couple, we were selected to stand by the side of an upcoming groom and bride-to-be; we will not be extending an invitation to that couple. Our guest list is very small and we are planning to have a very intimate day. I did not leave room for social courtesy and to be honest, I do not think I have to. In regards to the guest list, I ask myself, “who do I need to have there?” Or, “whose absence will I miss?” It truly is a short list.
Dates and plus-ones, the bane of a wedding guest list. I am prepared to have a slew of declined RSVP’s as I may or may not be inviting their significant other. Etiquette dictates that couples who are married, engaged, or cohabitating need to be invited together. That rule works well in theory, but it is not going to work for me. I have too many relatives with other halves that I cannot tolerate or have disrespected my family. I also do not like people, so I do not need the person you met on Tinder yesterday coming to my wedding (no offense to Tinder dates).
I have seen a few people ditch to white garb but it is still a widely traditional and popular route. Historically, in western culture, wearing white symbolizes several things: purity, virginity, wealth, and social status. Culturally, it is not significant enough to compel me to uphold this tradition. I have not picked a dress, but I am thinking of wearing red or orange, I love vibrant colors. If my guests feel they look great in white, they can feel free to strut their stuff, faux-pas free.
These may be unpopular opinions and I figure they will make people want to ditch my big day. I am okay with that. I am focusing more on simplicity, peace, and fun. I want everyone to have a good time and I do not think it needs to be at the expense of pushing our interests and sanity aside. If you are in the process of planning a wedding and are considering ditching etiquette or social norms, you are in good company. I stand by you!
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Categories: Introvert Life
Muted Mouthful 
Good for you, it sounds like it will be wonderful!
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Thank you, I hope so!
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Congrats and Good for you two. Really. I cut a bunch of traditional weird stuff from my wedding and was so happy. And everyone had the best time. Just a fun party. No tossing flowers or garters no awkward dances. Just fun.
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That is exactly what I want. Honestly, if you sit and think about it long enough, it’s all very weird and uncomfortable. It is a hard vision to break for some people :). Thank you for reading!
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Of course! At the end of the day everyone will see how fabulous it is. Because itās you.
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Love this because, although I’m not engaged, I share your sentiments on a few of these points. For example, I want to get married during the week (I think a Thursday afternoon is a great choice!) and I don’t think I want to wear white. It doesn’t suit me and I wouldn’t feel comfortable. Red or orange would be so bright and beautiful!
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Engagements are another story, we still have people asking us when will we REALLY be engaged. Next year will mark 10 years, I think we made our position very clear. I am sure you would through the best wedding, it makes me smile just thinking about it!
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I loled in the gym at ā F$%k āem, who needs them!ā Rachel and I got married on a Friday night which fortunately made a lot of people unavailable š¤£ We didnāt do wedding parties either, mainly because I keep a small circle and I wouldāve had like 1.5 people on my side to her 23. Symmetry, people! I also didnāt allow plus ones of the people who werenāt married. Basically to keep costs down. Those shacking up were piiiiised š¤·š½āāļøš¤£ Orange would be a cool dress color. My vote to wear an all green tux was vetoed (my fave color). Your wedding is gonna be great.! Great post!
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Depending on the shade of green, you could have really worked it! It really does sound like you all have a great day, perfect for an introvert!
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This is awesome! We didn’t follow all of the rules, either š Sounds like you’re going to have an amazing day that’s all about YOU (don’t forget that!!) Don’t forget my post from July for some tips!
https://anxiousandrea.com/2018/07/16/how-to-plan-a-wedding-with-anxiety/
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Thank you! Trust me, your post came at the perfect time when you first published it :D. I recently read it over to remind myself that there is not a need to overwhelm myself.
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love that you’re doing it your way. it’s your day, your promise, your pledge, and the day should reflect who you are.
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Thank you, I really appreciate that. Despite our families’ hopes for us to one day be conventional, we will continue to be true to ourselves. It’s one of the few things any of us really have control over.
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exactly. make your life, and your day, what you want.
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Way too many people go into debt to have the wedding they think they are supposed to or say things like, āI didnāt eat at my own wedding,ā and for what? I got married in my godfatherās living room with about 15 of our nearest and dearest and it was everything I didnāt know I needed. Besides, what really matters is the forever of marriage that comes after. āŗļø
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Yaaass!! That is so sweet and romantic š I really had to be convinced to not just elope, which is not completely off the table. The wedding is not the marriage, which I think people forget. I recently went to a wedding were the price tag was half a million dollars, why??
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Rules are overrated!
I nominated you for a blogger award!
https://tammysreadinglife.wordpress.com/2018/11/05/blogger-recognition-award/
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Thank you Tammy š!
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One thing I found out planning my own wedding was you can not please everyone. It is your special day. The day you are vowing to spend the rest of your life with your best friend, to love, live and grow till the end of your days. And you are giving people the opportunity to share that joyous time in your life. They should be appreciative and just be there for you no matter what. But let’s be real, people suck. They can he selfish when they don’t realize they are and very opinionated. I say just like Austin, F*@! Them! Do what is going to make you and Austin happy. You two will be the only ones to look back at they day and remember what you should have done, or what you shouldn’t have done. Your day, your memories, your celebration. It’s one of the days you are allowed to be a little selfish. Take it from a former bride planning her entire wedding.
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