2019 has felt like the longest and shortest year; it has been quite the roller coaster ride (I truly dislike roller coasters). 2020 is inevitably going to be a weird year, calling it weird is being polite. I am sure we are going to find ourselves questioning a lot of things; there will continue to be a barrage of unfavorable events and ideally some positive things. Before mentally arming myself for next year, I did some reflection on how to limit being my tormentor. I have a lot of bad habits that I should have dropped years ago and hope to leave behind in 2019. I have convinced myself that they’re harmless, but these sorts of things build up year after year. I can’t promise I will replace them with something dynamic, but I can be a little easier on myself, which might be good enough for right now.

Self-deprecation

If there’s one thing I am good at, it is self-deprecation. Self-deprecation is the act of acknowledging your flaws or shortcomings and pointing them out. I tell myself I am self-actualized and it is a gift to be so aware of my weaknesses, I often do so in a very deadpan tone where people don’t know if I am joking or not. It can be humorous, but not at the frequency in which I participate. Yes, I am humble, but why can’t I acknowledge the strengths as easily as the weaknesses? I am learning to compliment myself more and elevate my confidence. Yes, I have flaws, but I do not need to shout them from the rooftops. I can be good at something without needing to point out the things I need to overcome.

Not asking for help

Helpers are so bad at asking for help. We all need each other more than we know, I am sure there are more people than we think willing to give a hand. I am good at reaching out to the other people and supporting them, but I struggle being on the other side. I will carry an enormous weight on my shoulders under the guise of needing to handle it on my own. I can’t expect to continue to assist others if I burden myself by not reaching out.

Checking social media first thing in the morning

I can’t be alone on this one. Checking social media first thing in the morning has become more of a ritual than a habit. I am not even looking for anything in particular, most mornings I am too sleepy to remember what I scrolled past. Instead, I should be focusing on myself. My day does not need to start with aimless screen time; at the push of a button, mindfulness is out of the window. I do plan to disconnect a lot more next year, for the peace of mind alone.

Constantly apologizing

Constant apologies are a symptom of my daily anxiety; even if it has nothing to do with me, I will apologize to you. I will offer my apologies for you having a bad day, for me having the right-of-way, or just simply existing. Sometimes the words fly out of my mouth without me thinking about them. Only in the past couple of weeks, I have been trying to use cognitive techniques to limit my apologizing. Though the frequency has curved, it is still my immediate reaction. I think I am on the right track, but it is something I would like to eliminate in the coming year(s).

Not answering texts

Sometimes leaving texts unanswered is a form of self-care. My day/week/month may not be going as planned, so my will-power to carrying on a text-based conversation dwindles significantly (still, don’t call me). If you text me after 8:00 PM, you’re most likely out of luck because I am prepping for bedtime. However, my number one reason for not answering texts is that I am simply distracted. I am usually juggling a lot of things in my mind, sometimes it takes me a while to circle back to tasks; or, I thought about what I wanted to say and my brain checked it off as done. I do want to become more mindful about responding to people, but still, expect some delays.

Inconsistent Blogging

I am ready to admit that I thoroughly enjoy writing. Blogging has been such a treat I hate when I stop suddenly. Unfortunately, my motivation is tied to my mood and self-esteem. When I am having a difficult time, writing is one of the first and easiest things to go, especially when I tell myself I am not good at it anyway. Then I begin to spiral. However, this year, I want to try and keep going, no more months of radio silence. My goal is to post something new at least once a week, starting with this one. Additionally, I want to increase my engagement with other writers I am so behind on many of your beautiful work.

This is a small sampling of the habits I would like to break; I don’t want to be too hard on myself either. I am going to try to embrace the year as best as I can. I also want to brace myself for any obstacles that may come my way. 2020 will be interesting, the least we can do it be kind to ourselves and focus on self-improvement; we can control that to some extent.

How do you feel about the New Year? Do you have any habits you’d like to break?