As more people are receiving the vaccine, it seems like the light at the end of the tunnel may be widening. But to me, that light still feels pretty narrow.
Hello gentlepeople, welcome to Muted Mouthful! My name is Tiara (She/They/pronoun fluid), your humble host and guide through the inner workings of my mind. Muted Mouthful is a safe space I've created for myself, and hopefully, others, to navigate through some of life's cringiest moments. As someone that has felt misunderstood and out of place for most of my life, I now understand how important it is to share your story; this blog allows me to do so in the form of personal essays and creative writing. I hope we will be able to laugh, cry, and cringe together. If nothing else, you just made a new, quirky, weirdo friend!
The decision to participate in the vaccination process did not come lightly. Truthfully, I am currently balancing on a tight rope of gratitude, privilege, health anxiety, and fear. There’s still so much that is unknown about the vaccines and the virus itself. As an early recipient, I wanted to share my experience openly and honestly. The purpose of this is not to convince you to receive the vaccine or not. As someone that is just like you, fearful, skeptical, concerned, and a host of other feelings/emotions, I want you to have an account from a real person.
My “best” looks a lot different right now. It’s not an old friend I recognize in a crowd. It’s a new friend, one that I am weary of, one that I am questioning, one that feels conflicting. My new best arrived during an incredibly unprecedented tumultuous time, one that my system has never experienced before. A time that does not have a clear end in sight.
I may not have been able to travel this year, but I found myself exploring places in my mind that I had not ventured before.
As a therapeutic exercise, I wrote a letter to my younger self, offering career advice and kindness on the long, professional road ahead that would await them. It was a reminder to myself to be compassionate about my choices and to keep my mind open to the possibilities we have yet to encounter.
Here we are, December 2020, a full year since news broke of the Novel Coronavirus a.ka. COVID-19. It has been a year of uncertainty. A year of transformation. A year of adapting. A year of learning and reflection. A year of illness and death. A year of loss and grief. And a year of lies and misinformation. No, a lot of this was not new or unique to this year. Some may even describe every year of their lives this way. However, we cannot deny the unprecedented surface area this year has touched.
An apology is usually reserved for some form of wrong-doing or disrespect, intentionally or unintentionally. If you’re not doing anything wrong, then there’s no need to apologize. If you’re like me, you know that’s much easier said than done. There are a lot of reasons you may be an over apologizer, but it doesn’t have to be a life-long identity.
If you’re a long-time follower of my blog, you may recall posts that discuss my discomfort with sharing my blog with my family and friends. I listed it as a goal, trying to convince myself that one day I would overcome my fears and insecurities and share with the people around me. Well the time has come.
If you have ever experienced a crisis, which looks different for everyone, you may have experienced an overwhelming loss of control. The heaviness of everything weighing on you prevents you from being able to think, speak, feel, and act as you would if you were well. Your family and friends, who may or may not know your behaviors, also do not know how to act. It’s very isolating and scary. Developing a crisis plan is a tool to assist yourself and your loved ones with managing your care in the event of a crisis
One year ago today, hand-in-hand with my favorite person, we walked down a lantern-lined aisle; on a hot New Orleans Thursday afternoon. Under the Tree of Life, a symbol of growth, strength, and connectedness, we proudly said, “we do!” Oh, what a beautiful day that was! To celebrate, I wanted to share a few details with you all, including our ceremony script.