Hello gentlepeople, welcome to Muted Mouthful! My name is Tiara (She/They/pronoun fluid), your humble host and guide through the inner workings of my mind. Muted Mouthful is a safe space I've created for myself, and hopefully, others, to navigate through some of life's cringiest moments. As someone that has felt misunderstood and out of place for most of my life, I now understand how important it is to share your story; this blog allows me to do so in the form of personal essays and creative writing. I hope we will be able to laugh, cry, and cringe together. If nothing else, you just made a new, quirky, weirdo friend!
Our parents try to mold us into their image and society tries to ensure we stay in line. The framework you are born into is supposed to fit like a glove, but it doesn’t always. It doesn’t make sense but buried deep inside yourself is a truth that’s longing to break free and you can’t explain why.
This is how I feel about most aspects of my life, but today we’re going to focus on gender.
10 more unusual facts about yours truly.
Do you have trouble facing the mirror? My self-esteem and I haven’t always seen eye-to-eye. Sometimes, we’re in sync. I’ll high-five the mirror or give myself a well-deserved wink. Other days, I am sitting on the floor sulking about how hideous I look and how I never want to go outside again.
I hate to say it, but I am a party pooper. Not for your parties, my own. Social anxiety affects many facets of my life; it does not take a break on my birthday.
“I appreciate you, my love. I appreciate that you allow your texts to go unanswered for weeks at a time. I appreciate you giving me space when I feel the walls are closing in on me. I appreciate you forcing your way into my mind when I have been quiet for too long. And I appreciate your reassuring hand when my thoughts tell me to push you away and my actions carry out this order accordingly.”
I am a tragic creative. No, not distressed or sorrowful. I mean tragic in the way that mid-2000’s teens insult you. I am sure you are too; trying to balance creative endeavors, taking care of your physical and mental health, and probably working a full-time job you don’t love.
Today, we are taking a break from being cynical and appreciating our friends.
“Have you ever been depressed?” 32,000 feet in the air, my mom turned to me, clear-eyed and interested, and asked me this question.
I thought to myself she doesn’t know? Well, of course, she doesn’t. I don’t exactly broadcast my mental health the way I should. Staring out the plane window, I took a deep breath and responded plainly with “yes.”
The kind and talented Sophia Ismaa invited me to interview for her latest project, A Collection of Cultures. Please visit her site for an insightful exploration of bloggers from diverse backgrounds.
Sometimes I found myself in, what I like to call, the vortex. It’s a whirlpool of feelings and emotions that sucks me in and makes it hard to escape.