“I appreciate you, my love. I appreciate that you allow your texts to go unanswered for weeks at a time. I appreciate you giving me space when I feel the walls are closing in on me. I appreciate you forcing your way into my mind when I have been quiet for too long. And I appreciate your reassuring hand when my thoughts tell me to push you away and my actions carry out this order accordingly.”
“Have you ever been depressed?” 32,000 feet in the air, my mom turned to me, clear-eyed and interested, and asked me this question.
I thought to myself she doesn’t know? Well, of course, she doesn’t. I don’t exactly broadcast my mental health the way I should. Staring out the plane window, I took a deep breath and responded plainly with “yes.”
Sometimes I found myself in, what I like to call, the vortex. It’s a whirlpool of feelings and emotions that sucks me in and makes it hard to escape.
Do you lie awake at night and think about the things you could have or should have said but didn’t? I do. Constantly. Here is my list.
There are days when something as simple as getting out of bed feels like a full day’s work. I thought I would name 10 things that you can do to feel accomplished, even when that feeling seems unattainable. Remember nothing is too small; we can always celebrate more victories.
About three years ago, both Austin and I began to struggle falling asleep. We would lie in bed and watch the clock go from 10:00 pm to 5:00 am staring at each other or staring at the wall. Neither of us wanting to speak in hopes that at any moment sleep would envelop us and the sound of each other’s voice would ruin those chances.
Before I could give it a name to it, I exhibited signs as of being an extremely anxious child. My parents would tell my teachers I was very shy and needed more time to warm up. I had regular stomachaches, was irritable, sensitive, and hardly spoke.