I spend a lot of time sleeping because it’s better than looking into your face or looking at myself and seeing disappointment. I feel confused and alone. You never listen to me. I understand what you’re going through, more than you know. Those times where I hurt myself weren’t all accidents. I feel like a mansion infested with termites. I know you’re angry. I can’t … Continue reading The Things I Didn’t Say
“Hey, girl!” No, not again. “Psst, I know you hear me. Don’t be like that!” “I am not opening my eyes, I refuse. Be gone!” “You’re funny.” This is the third night in a row. I just want to sleep. This little whisper in my ear is enough to make me stir and open my eyes. Begrudgingly, I do. “Hey, guess what?” No, thank you. … Continue reading AwkAnxAvg 6: Alarm Clock
“Hey” with three dots, an ellipses, what does that mean? Remember, we are learning not to panic. My fingers fumble as I prepare to respond back. Each text exchange feels like it’s the first. I don’t know why, maybe because I am not used to people wanting to chat with me. Those treacherous three dots float at the corner of the screen. Please don’t overthink … Continue reading AwkAnxAvg 5: You Up?
If you are not ruining things, you are completely halting their potential. You could have a good thing here. Hi positive thoughts, thank you for joining us. You make a valid point, now hear me out, she could realize she is wasting her time and quickly come to the conclusion that I am boring and average. I could possibly be distracting her from meeting a … Continue reading AwkAnxAvg 4: Revelations
“I would like the chicken fingers.” “I would like the chicken fingers, please.” “I would like…” “What are you doing?” Her voice broke my rehearsing. Why do I think out loud? For once, I will not overthink it, I am going to try and play it cool. “Hmm, what’s that?” Real cool. “What are you doing? I hear you mumbling behind your menu.” Oh what … Continue reading AwkAnxAvg 3: Chicken Fingers
All I need to do is breathe. Breathe and clear my mind. Feet planted firmly on the ground? Check. Palms faced up, on my lap? Check. Great! Now, take a deep breath in and slowly exhale. Okay, you are doing it, Jayla. Just keep it up. Wait, you’re thinking, stop thinking. But still, good job girl! Internal high five. Okay, okay, I am focusing on … Continue reading AwkAnxAvg 2: Mindful-what?
You, sitting there drinking an iced latte with your friends. Me, thinking of what to say to you or how to even get your attention. I like your shirt, that’s one of my favorite shows, are you a fan? I also like my beverages cold, not with whip cream, that can be a little much. You laugh. I think what I said was charming. Then … Continue reading AwkAnxAvg 1: The Beginning? It’s Probably Nothing.
