The Things I Didn’t Say

I spend a lot of time sleeping because it's better than looking into your face or looking at myself and seeing disappointment. I feel confused and alone. You never listen to me. I understand what you're going through, more than you know. Those times where I hurt myself weren't all accidents. I feel like a [...]

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AwkAnxAvg 6: Alarm Clock

"Hey, girl!" No, not again. "Psst, I know you hear me. Don't be like that!" "I am not opening my eyes, I refuse. Be gone!" "You're funny." This is the third night in a row. I just want to sleep. This little whisper in my ear is enough to make me stir and open my [...]

AwkAnxAvg 5: You Up?

"Hey" with three dots, an ellipses, what does that mean? Remember, we are learning not to panic. My fingers fumble as I prepare to respond back. Each text exchange feels like it's the first. I don't know why, maybe because I am not used to people wanting to chat with me. Those treacherous three dots [...]

AwkAnxAvg 4: Revelations

If you are not ruining things, you are completely halting their potential. You could have a good thing here. Hi positive thoughts, thank you for joining us. You make a valid point, now hear me out, she could realize she is wasting her time and quickly come to the conclusion that I am boring and [...]

AwkAnxAvg 3: Chicken Fingers

"I would like the chicken fingers." "I would like the chicken fingers, please." "I would like..." "What are you doing?" Her voice broke my rehearsing. Why do I think out loud? For once, I will not overthink it, I am going to try and play it cool. "Hmm, what's that?" Real cool. "What are you [...]

AwkAnxAvg 2: Mindful-what?

All I need to do is breathe. Breathe and clear my mind. Feet planted firmly on the ground? Check. Palms faced up, on my lap? Check. Great! Now, take a deep breath in and slowly exhale. Okay, you are doing it, Jayla. Just keep it up. Wait, you're thinking, stop thinking. But still, good job [...]

AwkAnxAvg 1: The Beginning? It’s Probably Nothing.

You, sitting there drinking an iced latte with your friends. Me, thinking of what to say to you or how to even get your attention. I like your shirt, that's one of my favorite shows, are you a fan? I also like my beverages cold, not with whip cream, that can be a little much. [...]

Sexuality [Question Mark]

When I was growing up, I had no idea what a gender or sexual identity was. All I knew was that I know I was a girl, I guess. If I was not wearing a Catholic schoolgirl uniform, I wore my brothers’ and dad’s hand-me-downs or we all shopped in the men’s section together. I […]